| | This
was written by an old friend of mine. She has always been an
exception writter. Let me know what you guys think. Oh, and
dear friend of mine, sorry I just cop'ped your shit.
-SO
Plight of the Nice Guy
Like most
heterosexual unmarried (and married) women, I think about men a LOT.
And I've been thinking a lot lately about the kind of men that women
(myself included) are generally drawn to. Unfortunately for us, we
usually go for the bad boy rather than the nice guy. It pains me a
little to witness the classic situation in which a nice guy gets the
"just friends" talk ... I've been one to deliver such a speech on a few
occasions. However, I've also been on the receiving end of the "just
friends" talk on a number of occasions so I can sort of understand it
from both sides.
First of all, the fact that so many nice men
out there are getting dismissed by females is really part of a larger
and sadder reality -- that people often don't do what would ultimately
be good for themselves. How many times have I heard girls complain
about guys who treat them like shit, saying "why can't I just find a
nice guy," then go on to completely ignore said men and keep falling
for assholes. So now I'd like to attempt to explain an age-old
question: why do nice guys finish last?
The answer lies in the exceptions to the rule. As much as we humans love sweeping generalizations, there are
nice guys out there who attract a great many girls. They strike the
delicate balance of caring about a girl's feelings while also playing
it cool. And I think a big secret lies in the fact that these guys may
be nice but they are also FUN and EXCITING to be around. These are the
kinds of men who are secure in their masculinity and thus their ability
to entertain women.
Guys who are out to only get a piece of
ass also come off as secure in their masculinity, often to a
hypermasculine extent. However, the really successful "bad boys" have
to restrain themselves from coming on too strong (grabbing a woman's
butt would be an instance of coming on too strong) because they'd
probably get slapped. If they want to get a woman in bed, they at least
have to seduce her under the guise of a "nice guy," someone who will
call her the next day, etc. etc. They are basically wolves in sheep's
clothing, a.k.a. modern-day Machiavellis. But eventually karma will
catch up to them. After establishing a reputation among women for being
deceitful pricks, they have doomed themselves to a life of meaningless
relationships. By ruining other people, they basically ruin themselves.
So
all you nice guys out there who feel like they have bad luck with
girls, don't despair. Being a bad boy doesn't really pay off all that
much. That being said, I'd also like to offer you some advice (because
I'm definitely on your side). First of all, don't change the fact that
you are "nice" -- it is a unique and valuable quality that will pay off
in the long run. BUT (and this is a big but) keep in mind that being
nice is not going to be enough to attract women -- love does not equal
justice in this world. There has to be more than "niceness" that you
can offer them.
For instance, women love mysterious men ... so
appearing somewhat indifferent to their attention will inevitably draw
their attention. Don't be self-conscious; this has a double-benefit of
you appearing secure and also maintaining focus on the girl. Because
girls love to be the center of a man's attention. Stay focused, but
also show that you're comfortable in a variety of social situations;
for instance, if you're at a party, totally work the room ... excuse
yourself for a moment, talk to some other people and show off the fact
that you have social skills, and then return to talk to woman of
interest. Be enthusiastic about your life -- too much negativity can be
really unattractive, and also uncomfortable to be around. If you have a
sense of humor, use it -- if you don't, get one. Being able to make a
woman laugh sets about a series of pleasurable experiences that she
will continue to either consciously or unconsciously associate with you.
Of
course, there is also some more superficial advice ... be athletic,
make sure your hair looks good (or at least wear a hat that looks
good), wear nice clothes that fit well, and make sure you smell good. While I hate to admit it, we women, like men, are initially superficial creatures. I'm just being honest.
So
that's my reflective blog. While I'm offering advice to men, I don't
mean to characterize women as automatons when it comes to dating ... in
fact, I really think that women need to play an active role by paying
more attention to nice guys; even if you're willing to date them, they
probably just slip right past you as your attention is occupied with
the guys driving motorcycles. Also, we really shouldn't tolerate
assholes and asshole behavior because we basically encourage their
existence by doing so.
I'm not sure how to close this blog ... I
guess I'll just open it up to people for comments. All in all, though,
I think the only hope for saving the dating world (and the rest of the
world) is that people learn how to treat each other better. For
everyone's sake, including their own. |
| | Posted 3/14/2006 11:35 PM - 27 Views - 14 eProps - 8 comments
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